mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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