Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
