he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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