I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together