lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can't talk, ducks in the car