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• (310): View more from California

  I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex

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  29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm okay with that.

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• (925): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop

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  21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.

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