Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?