Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i feel rough

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.

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  (617): i feel rough (617): just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/6foz
  Replies (24) Good night (907) Bad night (1972)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?

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  (816): at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea? http://tfl.nu/mw1i
  Replies (13) Good night (3438) Bad night (1125)
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  (619): View more from California

  Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.

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  (619): Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen. http://tfl.nu/rhei
  Replies (27) Good night (1639) Bad night (6614)
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  (909): View more from California

  I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick

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  (909): I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick http://tfl.nu/j8ox
  Replies (4) Good night (1361) Bad night (924)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.

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  (843): Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing. http://tfl.nu/zggy
  Replies (5) Good night (2121) Bad night (722)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Why?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."

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  (609): My professor just gave us a margarita recipe. (1-609): Why? (609): Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life." http://tfl.nu/ong0
  Replies (12) Good night (3405) Bad night (708)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".

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  (713): You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress". http://tfl.nu/1fwn
  Replies (3) Good night (1378) Bad night (665)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.

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  (252): i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no. http://tfl.nu/99ae
  Replies (8) Good night (1927) Bad night (715)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?

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  (717): How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling? http://tfl.nu/pzfw
  Replies (7) Good night (1734) Bad night (514)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.

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  (330): Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee. http://tfl.nu/5wrf
  Replies (3) Good night (943) Bad night (342)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.

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  (412): Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants. http://tfl.nu/2i1x
  Replies (2) Good night (500) Bad night (339)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party

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  (775): He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party http://tfl.nu/btv9
  Replies (8) Good night (654) Bad night (506)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned

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  (305): I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned http://tfl.nu/trme
  Replies (0) Good night (357) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.

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  (607): His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death. http://tfl.nu/nfgi
  Replies (4) Good night (588) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  who is the naked dude on the coffee table

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude

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  (918): who is the naked dude on the coffee table (1-918): thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude http://tfl.nu/otkf
  Replies (0) Good night (1166) Bad night (317)

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