First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?