I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
