I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
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Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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