I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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