you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
