Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
