so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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