What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dicks are not precious.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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