its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
