it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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