Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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