It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
PANTIES FOUND
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
