So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
