Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
