If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
