That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
