I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
