It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
