HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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