bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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