i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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