i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
