Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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