well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
