woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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