What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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