She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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