She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
