who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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