he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
