Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail