Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
