Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.

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  (408): she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night. http://tfl.nu/jplo
  Replies (16) Good night (799) Bad night (3722)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder

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  (252): Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder http://tfl.nu/zp9e
  Replies (26) Good night (1880) Bad night (5274)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.

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  (314): There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already. http://tfl.nu/afo0
  Replies (14) Good night (4917) Bad night (1072)
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  (585): View more from New York

  If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.

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  (585): If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat. http://tfl.nu/1cgn
  Replies (33) Good night (3146) Bad night (4639)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.

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  (904): I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana. http://tfl.nu/xfg3
  Replies (16) Good night (3329) Bad night (1591)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve

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  (313): tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve http://tfl.nu/02r5
  Replies (12) Good night (3881) Bad night (1054)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"

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  (315): I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night" http://tfl.nu/prxk
  Replies (20) Good night (8754) Bad night (1429)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.

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  (404): We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning. http://tfl.nu/65kx
  Replies (4) Good night (3333) Bad night (942)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I thought you were single?

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.

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  (262): I thought you were single? (1-262): I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick. http://tfl.nu/pt5v
  Replies (6) Good night (1912) Bad night (805)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.

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  (+44): There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though. http://tfl.nu/j5bh
  Replies (2) Good night (315) Bad night (703)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night

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  (717): I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night http://tfl.nu/a1cb
  Replies (1) Good night (412) Bad night (292)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.

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  (414): I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint. http://tfl.nu/3iia
  Replies (1) Good night (764) Bad night (355)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now

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  (803): It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now http://tfl.nu/rhf3
  Replies (0) Good night (678) Bad night (374)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.

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  (412): he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came. http://tfl.nu/cv7v
  Replies (6) Good night (465) Bad night (856)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!

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  (304): Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!! http://tfl.nu/iumr
  Replies (0) Good night (468) Bad night (209)

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