so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.