TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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