I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
