Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
