i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
