i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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