I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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