Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
