if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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