Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
