Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
