why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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