I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
