he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
