How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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