you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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