after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just found puke in my bra..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
