hotel room ftw
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize