somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i drank out of a bidet.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
