Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
