there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
