I skipped work to stalk him.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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