I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
