my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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