dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
