i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
