my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
